6 Crazy Things You Didn't Know About Charlie Sheen

There has been a lot of talk recently about Charlie Sheen’s crazy public meltdown, but what most of you don’t know is that the quotes and testimonies you have been allowed to see and hear only scratch the surface of this bizarre spectacle. I have used my unparalleled journalistic skills to dig deeper than the dorks at TMZ to bring you ………..




SIX CRAZY THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT CHARLIE SHEEN:



1) Charlie routinely mixes up and ingests a concoction comprised of the following three ingredients:

1: Petrified T-Rex semen.

2: Minotaur urine

3: John Cryers tears.

He places these three ingredients in a bowl made from the hollowed out skull of Chuck Lorre’s grandmother and proceeds to stir them with a phoenix feather until frothy. Long term use of this potion has given Charlie the ability to live forever, grow new brains at will, and see into the 4th dimension.



2) Before Charlie’s doctor put him on the drug Charlie Sheen, he was first prescribed prescription strength Hunter S. Thompson. However the HST was simply too much for even Charlie’s constitution and he was taken off it after a short while. Apparently HST’s side effects which include extreme feelings of gonzo and frequent trips to bat country were more than Sheen could handle.

3) Sheen has been found out to be a vampire of sorts. He finally admitted that the tiger blood running through his veins was there because he stalks the zoos at night draining the life force of what he sees as the mightiest predators, in hopes of transferring their essences into himself. He also feeds on crocodile blood, and wolf blood. He was at one point quoted as saying that he drinks fish blood, however this was later found out to be a joke about his ex Denise Richards having a fish like face especially in the lip region and how he would frequently engage in cunnilingus with her during menstruation.

4) Charlie Sheen is in fact an elder god which accounts for his indestructibility, and his sexual prowess. Sheen was quoted as saying “I have Raiden DNA! I could kick Shao Khans ass, and all you bastards should feel lucky to have me protecting earth realm!”

5) Aside from being the newly appointed Vatican Assassin, Charlie has also been appointed White House Chief of Winning, NASA’s new head of their Mars exploration division, and Larry Flynt Publications, new head of research and development.

6) Charlie Sheen was actually awarded The Harvard Lampoons: Craziest Bastard of the Year Award, last week. Former winner Gary Busey presented the award to Charlie after remarking to the audience: “This summinabitch is nuts! Baloney! Prestidigitation! Bernie Madoff! I peed a little!”



Hope you enjoyed this candid look into the private life of Charlie Sheen, let me know if any of you have any sheenicdotes I may have overlooked.







Excelsior!